Realization #2

I have recently realized that love hurts like you would not beleive.
But it is how you handle that hurt which will decide how you will go forward.
Heartbreak is but a part of life and it makes you more compassionate and stronger than you would ever believe.

So when love comes your way do not push it away at an attempt to keep yourself guardeded and safe. In the words of jane Seymour "If your heart is always open love will always find its way in" and love is one emotion that everyone should expereince.

So play hard, but Love even harder!

Choices

Life is about Choices.
You can choose to live it or you can chooses to not.
You can choose to enjoy it or you can choose to not.
You can choose to love or you can choose to lust.
You can choose to learn or you can choose to not.

Choices, Choices, Choices
We make are own choices in life.
Though there is a higher power that is guiding you to the right choice,
When you come to that fork in the road, you ultimately choose which direction to go.
You choose whether you want to crawl, walk, or run down the road you choose.
Your pace is but only a detection of how soon you will get to the end.
Once your own that road turning back is never an option.
You have to stick with your decision and keep pushing forward.
You may come to high tides, gusty winds, dangerous thunderstorms etc.
It is how you come out of the difficult path when the sun shines that matters.

So make your choice and stick with it.
Many people are sad for various reasons, only they don’t understand that they have the power to not do those things.
Emotions are but a futile attempt for attention.
So for your sake choose to be happy.

You choose and make the choice that you can live with, no matter what the sun always shines after the rain.

A Calm is Coming

Calm is Coming

Though today the road may seem tough,
There may be rocks even boulders you can see up ahead,
Just keep faith that calm is coming.

Though your life’s choices may not seem so good right now,
You may even feel like you created the problem
Just look to the sky and know that calm is coming.

Even though you thought your life was perfect,
Now you realize that everything is falling apart,
Close your eyes and hold on tight because calm is coming.

The road may get bumpy before it smoothens out,
Life’s challenges, may seem harder than you anticipated,
Know that he will never give you more than you can handle,
A test is happening and it is your challenge to learn and move on,
Just hold on, calm is coming.

Even hope may seem but futile, When with troubles you’re beset, But remember you are facing Just what other men have met;You may fail, but fall still fighting,Don’t give up, whatever you do; See it through, because a calm is coming.

Realization #1

Realization #1

Sometimes when you think you are doing the right thing for someone else, in actuality you are hurting your self. Nine times out of ten the thing you are doing for someone else is an exception, for if they were put in the same situation they would not do the same for you. So if you heart is urging you to do what is right for you, than do it. Life is short, for in years you will realize that, that thing you let go is gone, and you will never fully have it back in your possession because you let it go, and forever more will your thoughts towards your own feelings will become secondary. Always say what you really mean, and don’t let your mind’s power overpower your heart.

Please you first and everyone one else second, this is the key to your true happiness.

Drama

Drama

Drama is defined as “a composition in verse or prose intended to portray life or character or to tell a story usually involving conflicts and emotions through action and dialogue and typically designed for theatrical performance”.

I know all to well about Drama. As I have had my fair share of it early in life. I have had Life, Drama, Baby Mama Drama, Car Drama, Family Drama, Relationship Drama, and Friend Drama. So if the above is the actual definition of drama why must it find me? I did not set out on life to be neither an actress nor a director.
If this thing called Drama is supposed to be played out on a stage, why does it find me in real life.
Is this a lifetime movie, willing for an actual end?
Shall the words that are used to describe an emotion be so fruitfully played out that the real reality can not be found?
I have a life to live and a family to tend too.
I have got stars to catch and love to nurture.
I did not ask for you Drama, so go your own way.
Please never find me again in another day.
So I say to you this word Drama leave me alone, find another stage to play.
My curtain has closed and there is no room for you to stay.
The lights have been shut off and the applause has stopped, there is no room for you Drama in this Lot.
Go back to your dressing room and take off your costume.
Remove the makeup and tell me what you see.
Is it a face so cruel you can’t even see?
But first you must walk the line of the real life where, battles are fought and friendships are lost, and love is UN recognizable.
Drama is inevitable but knowing the real from the fake is where truth is recognized.

Michael Jackson truly fulfilled his Dash

I thought i would re post this thought provoking poem. As I watched the MJ memorial yesterday. All I could think is this man truly fulfilled his "DASH". You could tell by the speeches, the fans, the family and the tears that welled up in the eyes of those whom never even met him. he will always be remembered and forever in our hearts.

The Dash Poem - by Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end
He noted that first came the date of her birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years
For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not how much we own;
The cars, the house, the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.
And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we’ve never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.
So, when your eulogy is being read
With your life’s actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?
©1996 Linda Ellis

When a Woman's Over it..

When a woman is over it, it is a sign that you better shape up or ship out.
When a woman is over it she shows signs of displeasure.
When a woman is over it she calls you on your BS before you even think of it.
When a woman is over she knows the lie you are about to tell before you tell it.
When a woman is over it, she lets you know with her subtle glaring eyes and the sucking of her teeth.
When a woman is over it she shows no sign of emotion.
When a woman is over she no longer cares about anything in the world but herself.
When a woman is over it you better steer clear of any possible confrontation.
When a woman is over it, if you want to keep her you better pull out all the stops.
When a woman is over roses can’t help and neither will apologies.
When a woman is over it life for you becomes sensitive.
When a woman is over it her eyes are dry not enough emotion to cry.
Once a woman no longer cry’s she has past the line of caring.
Once a woman decides she is done with your childish ways, there is no return.
What’s done is done, what’s said is said; when a woman is over it you have lost the best thing you could have ever had in your life. For she knows that it is not her loss it’s yours.

Random

Love is complicated. Especially when you can't quite figure out what you are suppose to do with it. Is it suppose to make you sad? Isnt love suppose to strengthen and renew your spirt? Isn't love suppose to uplift and help you to rejoice? I find that love is found in the wrong places. How can you truly be in love if you still have this desire and feeling that you are missing something?

Love is complex enough in its own nature. In addition to love most people sometimes realize that they are yet to be complete. You were not yet finished what you were set out to accomplish. This is why you feel something is missing.

If you feel like you are talking to a brick wall you probably are, beacuse it does not respond.

Why do my needs and wants become unimportant in light of things that are less important. That therefore makes me feel unimportant. So, what do you choose? To have me or not to have me.

Why? (Don’t mean to be Male bashing today but sometimes I just have to vent. Take it how you may.)

Why is it when a man has a good woman he feels the need to stray?
Why is it that a man really thinks having a “new” or “old” female friend is okay when you are in a committed relationship married or not?
Why do men think they can get away with hiding things from their significant other?
Why are men the only ones that don’t know that they suck at lying and hiding it?
Why do men not know that women were born to be investigative by nature?
Why do men think it is okay to disregard the feelings of your woman?
Why is it the woman who puts her life on hold to support her man and family, but the man can not do the same?
Why is it so hard for a man to admit the truth, are you fearful of losing what you have?
Why must a man always want their cake and eat it to?
Why must you void emotion to be truly successful and happy?
What happened to the days of courtship?
What happened to the days of a man truly providing for his woman?
Why does a man feel like he is the kingdom of his throne?
Why does a man not realize to be successful in the kingdom you must first have a Queen by your side?
Why do most relationships follow the same path every time?
Why do woman always suffer the brunt of the emotional breakdown?

Can you answer these questions? Don’t get mad because you know they are all true...

What I realized about love..

1 Corinthians 13:4-7: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

The above says it all... if you can truly read the passage above and truly feel like you exude each and every aspect of what it means to truly "Love", then you have far surpassed many person plight for self realization.

If however you read the above passage and think, wow, I don't have it. Then do not despair or lose sight of what can be achieved. To truly "Love", takes a lot of soul searching. You must first realize what the higher power has you on earth to do and then you will truly realize "love" and all of a sudden without question you will feel a sense of freedom, carelessness and peace like no other.

If you are wondering, I am still searching and learning about this feeling as I have not yet realized what it is and how to maintain.

Nameste'

Fortunate

Fortunate

Fortunate; Coming by good luck or favorable chance; bringing some good thing not foreseen as certain; presaging happiness; auspicious; as, a fortunate event; a fortunate concurrence of circumstances; a fortunate investment.

Isn’t it funny that the word Fortunate has a definition totally separate of the definition that we know? What does it mean to be fortunate?

There are many people in the world whom owe their lives to being fortunate. They are fortunate to have been brought up in the situation they were brought up in and blessed with the family and friends that they have. They are fortunate to have been able to get a higher education when they wanted it and fortunate to be able to lead the lives that they do. That is what fortunate should mean.

Husband’s and Wives are fortunate to have been able to find someone that they can not live without. Someone whom they can build their lives with and tell there inner most secrets. Someone in whom they can build morals and values with and put those into a family they build. To have another person in your life whom you can dream with and work with to make that particular dream come true.

American’s are fortunate to have been able to vote into office a powerful man whom has gained the respect of the majority of not just the United States but of the world. We were fortunate enough to look past the issues of some of American’s and not let that taint our mind enough to know what the right thing to do was grant America the wish for hope and change.

I am fortunate to be able to read, write, talk, laugh, cry, and love. Emotions that are often time absent from the people of some countries. Those people are not fortunate in the way we think being fortunate is however they probably feel that they are fortunate because they have the most powerful thing on earth. That is that they are Fortunate to have love and family. Two things that most of us take for granted.

So what is most important in your life that you are fortunate to have does it compare? Is it tangible? Can you live without it?

Are you fortunate?

Relationships, Let's take a look...

Relationships, an interesting thing they are, one minute they are solid and the next not so much. Relationships and where they are truly headed actually intrigues me. I have learned that relationships are not easy and to make them work takes hard work on both parties involved. It takes you to take a step back and look at yourself and say “do I want this to work and is it really worth my time?” If the answer is inevitably ‘YES” then you need to step your game up and put A LOT more effort in it to make it successful. Get rid of the outside influences that may cause you to stray because those outside influences will not be there when you decide to take the leap. Don’t leave your 80% to get something that’s only worth 20% you will be disappointed. If the answer is ‘NO” then do you both a favor and fall back and make room for the next. But if you choose the latter, don’t hold on to your “woulda, shoulda, could and don’t want no one else to have what you let go...” So ladies and gents take heed to my advice if you wish. It makes sense when you say it to your self.

Check out the video link below on Marriage (which is typically the next step in a successful relationship), what do you think...

Lemons are Positive!!

The old saying is that “When life gives you lemons you make lemonade”. So how do we apply this thought provoking phrase to most people’s lives?

Positive Movement. There is this thing going on around the world it seems well, at least on the blogs, and twitter. People are obsessed with taking the energy from our new president and invoke change and positivity through their lives. I believe it all started with the phrase above. So, in thinking whether life is fair or if you were dealt a bad had in life. There are two things for sure. There will always be someone better than you, in a better situation and that person will always stay positive. However, there is also someone whom was dealt a worse hand in a worse situation then you but somehow they stay positive. So why is it that you can’t?

In every situation that I have been in recently where I have been down and out, I found that staying positive and thinking that things are not that bad I always seem to come out stronger. Now whether that is because of a divine intervention or because I “Choose” to be positive is up for discussion.

Whatever it is and no matter how depressed you are just remembering, lemons are always better with a smile and a little sugar.

Stay Positive and Choose to be happy starting today!

St. Patricks Day...Huh???

What is St. Patrick’s Day all about? Well according to Wikipedia they say it’s... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/St._Patrick's_Day .

After reading that what do you get? Yep I don’t really understand either but all I know is you are suppose to wear green and get drunk.

Nothing too deep or introspective about this blog entry except that I am kind of trying to figure out what it’s all about. Apparently starting drinking at noon and then go to church (since supposedly it is a Catholic holiday), and then they leave mass and go drinking again.

Ahh the luck of the Irish I guess. But the whole drinking and going to mass thing does not seem to make much sense to me.

Anywho, for whatever it is worth, Happy St Patrick’s day I hope you wore your green!!

Smile from a Stranger

Smile from a Stanger

Its funny how you can be feeling down one day and a smile from a stranger can bring you to life.
That was me this morning, just driving along to work not feeling very whole and wanting the day to be over before it could even begin. I looked over as I was reaching for something in my passenger seat. When I looked over the women in the car next to me simply smiled. I wondered why she smiled but maybe it is because she had some joy that she wanted to share and I just happened to be the recipient of her heart warming smile.

So try it one day, try to just smile. For your smile to a stranger could change their whole world.
Thank you stranger for turning my day around with a simple smile.

Reason, Season or a Lifetime

Everyone has gotten the forward one time or another that explains why people come in to your life. Basically it is for a reason a season or a lifetime. Typically I read this forward say "Awwww" about the person whom forwarded it to me initially and never really take the time to analyze it.

Well the time has come and today I received this forward yet again, but this time I actually read and analyzed it. I started thinking about all the associates, friends and of course lovers (both whom broke my heart and I broke theirs), that have come in and out of my life over my lifetime.

I realized that these three analyzations actually have some meaning and carry some depth. Let's anaylze some of the persons (whom shall remain nameless) in my life.

First and foremost their were the friends:

The Best Friends -> I have the friends whom I thought would be my friends forever. The ones from my school years, both elementary and Junior High. Those friends helped keep me honest with me. I can recall back to those days and realize that those were the days where I did not really think of what people thought of me I was just me. I loved all my friends, and they are the ones whom helped me shape my values and morals. They kept me real and fun loving me. They were here for a Reason. Most are no longer a regualar part of my life (due to me moving around so much). However, some I have managed to keep in contact with just to touch base and give me a bit of nostalgia and bring me back to the ground and remember what is important.

The Friends (Associates) --> These were the people whom came in my life by chance, either thorough work, by best friends or by family. These people often were not best friend material however they had a purpose. Some of their purposes I still have not figured out but most are pretty clear cut. They have mostly brought me a more realistic view of what life is and always has been. They were the people that kinda made me open my eyes and realize that life is not always warm cookies and milk (not that I had that but you know what I mean). Life is and alwyas will be what you make of it and you can choose what you want to do with it. Life is not fair and never will be and you have to fight for everything you want out of it. Life is just undetermined until you fill in the painting with color. The people who taught me these things are mostly still around to bring me a dose of reality every now and again but for the most part they were here for a season. And as we all know every year that season comes back around each time different yet always the same.

The Lovers --> These people are a mix. Sometimes they came in to my life for a reason, sometimes a season and if I am lucky a lifetime. The lovers are those people whom intertwine a little bit of everything. A little dose of trueness a dash of reality and a big dose of fairytale love. These people helped me to realize that love is what it is. Most are gone and only one true love is here for a lifetime.

So with that said I hope that next time you get that forward you will read a little more into it and analyze the people in your life. Believe me you may come a cross a true dose of reality.

Tears for Love.......

Tears for Love



One moment can change the way you see, so easily
Pain comes in many dimensions
The release of that pain is what gives us that first drop
Rolling down like wind from the mountains
It drop, it falls, it is a tear for love

Like a wave in the ocean it flows
Naturally it becomes calming
Peacefully and ongoing as constant as a heartbeat
You feel it, good or bad it happens..Then joy
Joy for your tears of love

Loving the way you feel
Loving why you feel
Loving how you feel
The warmth, the relaxing the tear
It drops, it falls, it is a tear for love

Mostly it is in bad times
But sometimes in good times
You feel its presence and enjoy its comforting
These tears are for love….

Let them drop; let them fall for we know they are tears of love.


By: Ealia L. Payne
April 2, 2007

Poem I Wrote for my Grandmother Upon Her Passing 3/13/07...

When The Time Comes.....



Rejected, distressed, depressed.Alone, afraid, regrets come forward. The memories flow, the sounds and pictures fade.

The dreams you carry forwardRelevant but fading slowly. Feelings open…letting your self go. Peaceful paradise from beyond the stars. A fresh oil painting wet to touch.Eventually it dries now just a picture. Losing love, love, L.O.V.E. Communication is open, speak the last words. Mouth the last feeling “L.O.V.E U”. Can you go on living life? Frustrated you feel. Neglected you are taken for granted. ALONE…MISUNDERSTOOD…UNSURE. How can the emotions of a loss be found without speaking? Tears falling.Faces change, dreams-become vivid memories, angels are seen. Arms are raised. Joy is pain. Eyes tear-filled,non-focus attained. Worries are gone, time stands still. Pictures become fills, eternal love is granted. Time has come and life is everlasting.

In his eyes and you fly.

Ealia Payne
Copyright ©2009 Ealia Payne
03/13/07

R.I.P Grandma Babydoll

Observations


Sometime I like to sit back and people watch. Watch people as they come and as they go in their daily activities. Weather they are driving, walking, talking to their loved ones or just sitting back and smelling the roses.

The other day I made an observation as I was on my lunch break. As I was driving back from good old Chick Fil A I noticed in the car behind me a women crying. You could tell that she was fighting back tears and some tears escaped. She had children in the back of her car and they seemed oblivious to there chauffeurs turmoil. I wondered “what could she be crying about?” The nice in me, wanted to ask her if she was okay. But how could I do this when I don’t even know this woman. She seemed very perplexed over whatever was causing her such emotional distress. Maybe she heard some bad news, or maybe she feared something or someone or maybe she was tired whatever it was it seemed to bother her a lot. The whole time we sat at that red light I was drawn to looking out my rearview mirror to look at this woman. My heart screamed out to help this woman. At last the light turned green and the women whom had cried tears for the last 2 minutes, struggled to wipe her tears enough to see through them to drive. And we drive and she still seemed upset. Within 20 seconds she was no longer behind me but going in the direction of her destination for that of which I will never know.

Just an Observation, with No Meaning. Observing only to observe.

Everyday we make observations into others lives only to realize we will never know what those observations mean nor would we understand them.

Just an Observation.........

Nostalgia

Nostalgia--

1. A bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations of the past.
2. The condition of being homesick; homesickness.

These days I find myself feeling Nostalgic. Performing Nostalgic behaviors like reaching far back into my history and wondering. Wondering what life would be like if I had made different choices and taken a different path years ago. Where would I be, who would I be with what decisions would have made things different. Nostalgia is a funny thing, because it takes you places that you don't even remember until something brings them up, a smell, a place, a look, a birthday or a person. Sometimes early in life people or things have their very own place in your memory log. That special place is sometimes connected to an emotion, and when something triggers that specific emotion then Nostalgia occurs.

This Nostalgia sometimes brings you to reach back and wonder if passing up certain opportunities would have made your life different. If you let go of something for the greater good of someone else will somehow make your life in the future better. If letting go of something you really wanted so easily, because it was the right thing to do would somehow assist you with reaping the rewards in the future. However, after some time passes you are still wondering, was it worth it? Will Nostalgia come back to haunt you over and over again and again year after year? Nostalgia mostly is just a pause button on life only for play to be pressed again and your back to your regularly scheduled program.

Nostalgia, a funny thing it is.......

What do you do....

What do you do when you realize that the person you thought you knew is not really the same person anymore?
What do you do when reality comes in to play?
What do you do when you begin questioning everything?
What do you do when those questions develop answers that you never would have thought of?
What do you do when love becomes a distant memory?
What do you do when you realize that it’s not as easy as you thought?
What do you do when fear is a relevant thought in your everyday mind?
What do you do when everything you thought you had starts to get ripped apart piece by piece?
What do you do when even though you strive to move forward the haunting memories of a past that want stay in the past keeps coming back?
What do you do when your dreams and goals are reachable but yet still so distant?
What do you do when you just don’t know anymore?
What do you do…..?

Inspiration

Inspiration

There are many people, places, and things that inspire me.

As I strive to be able to inspire myself I delve deep into how those are able to inspire others.

Whether it is the musician who plays the instrumental so well and I wonder, why can’t I.

The singer whom upon opening there mouth lets go of sounds and melodies unique to them, why can’t I.

The dancer who moves so gracefully across the floor to any beat or no beat at all, why can’t I.

The author whom can write a novel without effort and look back at a best seller, why can’t I.

The chef who can whip up a meal that would make your mother’s mouth water, why can’t I.

The entrepreneur with the million dollar idea, why can’t I.

The friend with a heart of stone, who would give you the clothes off her back, why can’t I.

The enemy whom learns to forgive without even thinking, why can’t I.

The mother whom can comfort her child without even speaking, why can’t I.

The America who has a leader who inspires all, why can’t I.

The only reason I can’t is because I think I can’t, I will when I know I will.

I can because I can and no one can tell me otherwise.

Inspiration lies within the depths of one soul and can only be brought out when you realize you can.

Change......

Picture this, a blistery cold 28 degree, windy day in the nation’s capital. American families and there children against the elements and the odds. A man set to lead a nation and then you realize “we have overcome”.

That scene sets the stage for what I experienced in this historic time in our lives. A time I did not think would happen in my lifetime. My heart and spirit was hoping it would happen and it did.

The campaign, election, and subsequent inauguration of our 44^th President of the United States have brought a sense of spirit back to America. In my opinion our country has been standing still for so long that we had become to move backwards in time. Letting the hard work of ancestors go un seen almost as if the struggles had not happen. But then we notice a man who has come to restore our belief in this great country we call the United States of America.

I believe in the spirit that has been restored in me.

I believe in the prayers that have been answered.

I believe in the true meaning of love.

I believe in me.

I believe in this nation.

I believe in our people.

I believe in our ancestors.

I believe in my neighbor.

I believe in the yet unborn children of America.

I have hope for the future.

I have hope for today.

I have hope for this country and all that I know we are capable of accomplishing.

I will do what I can to help “Renew America’s Promise”.

Will You?